It’s all fun and games when you first start out with friends with benefits, but what about when someone starts catching feelings?
When you’re in college, having a friend with benefits, or an FWB may sound like the best idea in the world.
There’s no commitment, all of your ~sexual~ desires will be fulfilled, and you don’t have to worry about revealing too much about yourself to your partner.
It’s all fun and games when you first start out, but what about when someone starts catching feelings?
If you’re the one who’s all of a sudden enthralled by your FWB, here are a few tips you can put into action to make your “bae” your “babe”.
Talk about the deep stuff
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. There’s nothing scarier than opening up to a man knowing full-well that it might not end up well for either of you. On one hand, it could destroy your FWB status. On the other, you could score yourself a new beau. So, take the chance and risk it! Talk about your family, your childhood, your puppies and more. Don’t forget to let him talk about himself, as well. It’s all about balance.
Try to take him out on a “date”
If you’re ready to really push the limits of your FWB relationship, try taking your partner out on a real date. Now, you don’t necessarily have to call it a date, BUT it should be a one-on-one affair. Try something casual, like brunch or the movies. If he sticks around, turn it up a notch and take him on a sweet candlelit dinner to a nice restaurant. (#fancy)
Let him chase you, for once
Although you might absolutely, positively DREAD it, don’t be afraid to say no. Stick up for yourself and put your FWB on hold for a while. If he wants sex, decline respectfully and go out with your girls instead. Make him miss you. Make him want you. Don’t give in to his super cute boyish charm. You’re better than that!
Introduce him to your friends
This is basically one of the biggest tests of all time. Chances are, you’ve never brought your FWB around any of your friends or family, and that’s a good thing! You know, unless you plan on dating the guy. If you want things to get a bit more serious, start bringing him to birthday parties, casual hangouts and other social events. If he’s not running for the hills after a few of those, chances are you’re heading in the right direction.
Public displays of affection. Yeah, you read that right. It’s time to go public with your FWB and if you really want to turn your sex buddy into your boyfriend, this is a must. If he’s uncomfortable with holding hands in the diner, kissing outside the movie theatre or hugging you on those chilly nights in the park, he’s not the one.
Stop seeing other people (and make sure he’s not either!)
Now, we would hope that your chosen FWB is being exclusive, but you never know! If you’re talking to other people (or sleeping with them), it’s time to cut them off. If you’re *really* feeling your FWB, you’re going to have to be willing to drop everyone else if he feels the same way about you. Slip on your detective hat and investigate. If he’s seeing other people, maybe that’s a sign a relationship isn’t in the cards just yet.
If you have an FWB, chances are you haven’t really spent all day cuddled up next to him in your jammies while you watched reruns of I Love Lucy together. It’s more likely that every time you get together, it’s just for the purpose of sex and once that’s over, you’re out the door. I’m sure you already know this, but, relationships aren’t like that. Try sticking around for a few hours after fooling around. Stay in bed to cuddle. Spoon all you want. If he’s into it, he’s probably into you far more than you think.
Here’s an idea… Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? Instead of beating around the bush, come right out with it and admit you’ve caught feelings and want something more than just casual sex at two in the morning. Have an open and honest conversation and be prepared to let him go if he doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t always get what you want out of life, but there’s no harm in trying. Who knows, he might just ask you out right on the spot.